Maintenance

After the appointment with our local oncologist, we reached out to Mayo Clinic and a doctor at Washington University about maintenance chemo. (And I am impressed by Dr. Kahl from Washington University. We cornered him at a lymphoma conference last year to ask about treatment recommendations.  He told us then to reach out anytime. I wasn't sure he would respond to our email about maintenance chemo, but he responded within hours. So kind.)  Both doctors said just rituxan, no chemo.  Having 3 doctors give the same advice made Nate's decision easier. Nate will begin rituxan treatments on September 12.  He will receive rituxan once every 2 months for 2 years.

And if you are curious about what rituxan is- rituxan is a drug used to disintegrate tumor cells and hopefully prevent the production of more tumor cells. Nate received rituxan during his chemo treatments and did not have reactions to it, so we are hoping these rituxan treatments will be relatively easy. And we are praying these treatments prevent the cancer from returning.

Nate is feeling great.  His hair is coming in curly, which we both find funny. Quite a few people who haven't seen him in a while do a double take.  They expect to see hairless, sick looking Nate and instead see a healthy guy with a full head of hair and a beard.  Thank you God.

A couple weeks ago I prayed during church.  As I stood in front of the congregation I told them, this was the first time since last fall that Nate was back doing sound and I was leading a prayer.  Small things, but signs of normalcy.  I shared this passage during the prayer and of course cried through it. It's a standing joke now at church that when Stacy prays, expect her to cry.  It's embarrassing, but I'm ok with that.

Psalm 30:1-5, 11-12
"I will exalt you Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.  Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.  You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit.  Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people; praise his holy name.  For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning...  You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever."

Labor Day weekend last year is when this nightmare began.  Right before that weekend Nate was told, your blood test shows you might have leukemia.  And then began the awful waiting to figure out what kind of cancer Nate had/how bad it was/treatment options and so forth.  It is painful to remember this past year. Another friend who has cancer sat down with me at this time last year.  She remembers me asking, "how are we going to get through this?" Her response was, "you just do."  And that is the truth.  Somehow you just get through it.  It is unbelievably hard and there are some good moments and you lose yourself to fear and ask friends to pray for you because you don't know what to pray for.  And then, thank you Jesus, you are standing on the other side.  Feeling shell shocked, but you are on the other side.  And praying desperately that research is wrong and that this cancer will never come back.

Right now I am in a season of introspection.  Just processing this past year and what if anything, I can learn from it.  I also have a sense of urgency.  That I need to use this reprieve from cancer wisely.  I need to shore myself up and our family.  That the battle is coming for us again, so in the meantime I want to work on those parenting and marriage skills I've put off, read books, take family trips, and be ok with uncertainty about the future.  Ha! Being ok with uncertainty will be a lifelong lesson. Part of me feels vulnerable even sharing those thoughts.  Like somehow I'm being pessimistic or living in fear.  But, I also want to live into the reality of cancer.  Life is unpredictable and fragile.

Thank you for continuing to pray for and encourage our family.  We are blessed by you all.

-Stacy

Relief

Nate had an ultrasound of his thyroid and we met with our local oncologist today for the results.  There is an enlarged nodule, but it is not worrisome.  The doctor will do another ultrasound in 6 months.  We were so relieved!  Personally, I think waiting for results is one of the hardest parts.  I fluctuated between thinking this ultrasound was no big deal and oh my goodness our world could get rocked again.  Cancer has taken away my ability to be laid back about these type of things.

We also spent the appointment talking with the oncologist about maintenance chemo.  He had a different take than Northwestern, which is both maddening and helpful.  Sometimes I wish all doctors agreed about treatment because our decisions would be easier.  But, it is helpful to have doctors with differing perspectives so we can better understand treatment benefits and costs.  The doctor took our concerns and questions seriously.  I may have left him a list of questions a couple days before the appointment so we could make the most of this time... :)   We came away with slightly more clarity about maintenance chemo and how Nate wants to proceed.  We are going to reach out to Mayo Clinic as well to get their perspective.

We are so thankful for Nate's health and healing.  We ask that you pray for wisdom regarding maintenance chemo.