Cancer-cation

No One Fights Alone

A couple weekends ago our family went to Great Wolf Lodge in Traverse City, MI.  It is a hotel/indoor waterpark that our kids have always wanted to visit.  An organization called Shields of Hope West Michigan gave 30 families affected by cancer a fantastic vacation.  Shields of Hope is comprised of police officers, fire fighters and EMS workers who want to encourage families dealing with cancer- to let them know that no one fights alone.  All of the details were taken care of- the kids loved the superhero outfits and we had a fun hotel room with a kid bunkroom built in. Of course the waterpark was a huge hit.  There were also break out sessions led by professionals. The kid sessions were a good mix of fun and helpful but not super heavy.

 I attended the caregiver group and it was rough.  We had a fun game and then they hauled out kleenex boxes- I knew it was not a good sign.  Listening to 30 people's stories for about 2 hours emotionally drained me.  I can't hold that much pain and then jump back into having fun with the kids. (I suggested to the organization that they split such a large group into smaller sections next time.) The whole weekend was fun and hard. Our family missed vacations last year and it was good to have fun together.  It was also difficult to share our story again- to relive the fear and struggle. Our family just wants to move on to normalcy- let's forget this past year even happened, ok? But that is not our reality. And the reality is the fear and uncertainty about the future will never truly disappear. It was difficult to be with that many families walking the cancer road.  To look at a little boy and think- he will not be alive this time next year. Or that woman will be a widow by next year.  And there is also the odd dynamic of feeling almost guilty when you can say- my spouse is in remission. Because you see and hear the awfulness other people are experiencing and you think thank God it's not us, but you feel guilty for thinking that too.

Nate also had his first rituxan treatment.  There were some issues with getting the treatment that day- the infusion nurses are great, but the other staff members at this office are not fantastic.  Nate was at the cancer center for about 6 hours and the infusion went smoothly. It was hard to walk back into the chemo area.  I could feel the fear rising up again along with memories of previous treatments.  Thankfully rituxan doesn't give Nate any side effects and he feels good.  

Nate has a follow up appointment at Northwestern in October and then rituxan in November.  Hopefully this blog will be quiet in the meantime.