Day +10

Where to start?? Beginning on Friday, Nate's doctor told him that he was doing quite well.  If his absolute neutrophil count (ANC) hit .5, he could possibly go home on Monday.  At that point his ANC was "too low to count," but the doctor told us sometimes the counts can rebound quickly.  So we began praying and kind of getting excited that maybe he would be home by Lexi's birthday on Tuesday! On Saturday, some of his numbers crept upward, which got me all excited- that's a sign the stem cell transplant worked!  However, the ANC number came in later that day and it was still "too low to count."  So technically we did not know if the stem cells were engrafting yet, but the doctor was not concerned.  For a couple days now, Nate has had very low blood pressure in the mornings so they give him electrolytes.  On Saturday evening he had intestinal issues and developed a fever overnight.

This morning he was put on antibiotics and it takes two days for blood culture results.  Once a patient has a fever the doctor automatically has to check for infections and puts the patient on antibiotics.  When you do not have an immune system, infections are no bueno.  Nate also received platelets and blood today as his numbers were too low.  His ANC count today was 0.  Apparently 0 is slightly better than "too low to count."  We are praying hard that Monday morning shows an actual number for his ANC.

And (one) of the crazy parts of this process is that the doctor is not overly concerned.  He assures us that fevers, electrolyte imbalances and bottomed out counts are all normal.  He understands this process can move at a snail's pace, but that it's normal and Nate will keep improving.  Dear God, please let it be so.

These past couple days have put us thru the emotional wringer.  It is so difficult to ride this cancer roller coaster of hoping for the best, but simultaneously expecting the worst.  I just want off this ride.  We all want off this ride.  What happened to our life?

I read a poem today and thought this paragraph was spot on.
"Let hope be not quenched in the blackness of night, Though the cyclone awhile may have blotted the light, For behind the great darkness the stars ever shine, And the light of God's heavens, His love will make thine, Let no gloom dim your eyes, but uplift them on high to the face of your God and the blue of His sky."

It was a gorgeous day today- sunny, blue sky, warmish, everything in bloom.  I sat in my backyard wondering how can this day look so beautiful and our life feel so dark and chaotic?  And why can I sit outside while my husband has to sit in a hospital room for 3 weeks?  There are no answers.  All we can do is lean in, pray for strength and trust that these doctors know what they are talking about.  Because right about now I am thinking this stem cell transplant process is for the birds.

Prayer requests
-Nate's ANC gets to .5 soon
-No infections
-That he can come home this week?!